It Makes Sense You Want to Avoid

When it comes to being human, one thing we instinctively avoid is pain. From the time we're infants, we cry to let our caregivers know what we need and hope they will quickly help us. When caregivers don't soothe us relatively soon enough, and/or are inconsistent with their attention, that's when various attachment styles can develop. I'm sure you've heard a lot of chatter on social media about attachment styles!

Oftentimes, our caregivers want to soothe the pain so quickly for us that it can give us the idea that pain is bad or even intolerable. As we get older, we learn ways to not feel pain or certain uncomfortable emotions. (In one of my upcoming blogs, I'll write more about emotions.) Avoidance is a natural reaction, and we learn early how to effectively, or sometimes ineffectively, avoid pain, conflict, and otherwise deal with difficult things. Right now in the world, there are so many stressful, horrifying, and scary things happening, and our brains are meant to know so much. Common ways we avoid are by not finding out in the first place, staying in denial, using substances, overworking, overspending; there are many more, the list could go on. I'm sure you recognize patterns of avoidance in yourself.

One of the downsides? Our pain will catch up with us at some point. Perhaps it's at night, when we're trying to get to sleep, and can't fall asleep without sounds or distractions because our own thoughts are so loud. Perhaps it's when a loved one dies, and there's no longer a way to avoid knowing or accepting that. Sometimes it's small moments that help us realize we've been pushing things down too long.

I've seen therapy clients for over 20 years, and one consistent thing I see is people finding all sorts of ways to try to handle their pain on their own, with mixed results. Sometimes it isn't so much that we can't, but rather we don't have to. You don't need to go it alone, and I hope you have the support you need.

Mental Health Matters!

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